Fear and Excitement

I pack our belongings in cardboard formally home to various grocery store items. Carefully I place each item I hope makes the trip safely in the box and tape it shut. Memories of the past six years flood my mind as I make every attempt to keep only what is most important. Some items just simply cannot make the cut and I throw them in the container marked 'trash'.

At the same time, the excitement begins to grow at the prospect of finding our new home as close to the front range as possible. The opportunity to create new and lasting memories is astounding. However, the fear is also great. We haven't yet heard from the ones who are suppose to be helping us with this transition.

The realetor stops by to take more photos of our current residence; we move boxes and trash out of the way to make the place presentable. Everything is moving so fast yet time is going so slow. I play the 'what if' game in my mind over and over again. My husband prepares for the time apart not knowing if it will be short or drug out an extended period of time. I know he is upset. At the same time, excited as we move closer to our dreams. I try to reassure him that the time will fly but in my own mind, I'm not even sure.

I clean and do my best to make this place so full of character; something that someone else will want. In the back of my mind I see the water up to my knees. I hope that no one will notice but I'm afraid the line on the wall will be evident to the inspector. So many times I have taken back my faith that the Lord has everything under control. I keep wanting to do everything alone; not trusting that He will find the next person to call this house a home.

I climb under the stairs and begin to clear away the cob webs and scrub the dirt from the cement. All the while, searching for those eight-legged creatures that make me feel sick. I know the one the size of my hand is still down there, waiting for the moment I put my hand close to its home. I'm staying up much later than normal and am finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning. I know my days will be filled dawn until dusk trying to wrestle with the fear and excitement that I feel.

I'm ready for the peace that comes from putting all of my belongings in our new home. I'm ready to put the dishes in the cabinets while I watch the dogs playing inside the fence in our new back yard. I can see it and that is what drives me to continue.

So I give it back to God. He will bring the new owners to us when HE is ready. He will lead us to our new home in good time; I know we won't be homeless. So I guess the excitement is much greater than the fear. I can think 'what if' all I want but it really doesn't matter. What matters is today and I think it best if I live in and for the moment rather than wonder what is coming up. For what is coming up will be here sooner than I think!

C'ya!