Thursday, September 20, 2007

Above Water?

I'm drowning...seriously...

Work - so much to do and absolutely no time to do it. I find I have to spend 4 or 5 hours at night going through all of the emails and communication in order to keep up. I don't remember signing up for 60+ hour work weeks for such a low wage? What happened to the days I could go to work, sit at my desk for 9 hours, and then go home and forget about it? I'm contemplating change but what change? I see a light on the horizon that moves me to a state I've been wanting to move to for some time now. Do I take that? If I do, will I only find a different lake to drown in? At least the pay would be closer to what I wanted to be making as I head to the peak of the thirty-something hill...

School - with no time at work, where do I find the time for school work? I get 6 to 7 hours a sleep at night; I function best on 8 to 9. I see the benefit of obtaining the degree but where am I making sacrifices that I shouldn't be (sorry honey...I can't pay attention to you right now...I'm working on work/homework...AGAIN)? I want it but is the price worth it if there is no one to share the joy?

Home - clean but at the cost of having freedom for a social life. I feel like I need to get it done but am losing the energy. My drive is already gone to do most things that I once enjoyed (welcome to menopause). I don't want to get up in the morning and work out any more; I'm too tired from all of the other activities. My husband sometimes thinks I don't love him - which is definitely NOT the case. Maybe it is more mental than physical but the brain wants to do things the body just doesn't feel like it. Maybe that is why I am losing interest in the things I once enjoyed so much...I need a shrink!

Social life - non-existent. I simply do not have the time, energy, or money to be able to spend time doing things I love. I want to be able to play pool, fish, geocache, hang out with friends but where do I fit that in to the remaining 10 hours when I really just want to hang out at home and do nothing but be a vegatable? I also have to pinch pennies so much right now that I can't afford anything but vegetation. It's frustrating...

Throw me a bone...why didn't someone tell me that growing up was going to be so difficult? I certainly would not have signed up for this!

The pity-party is over. I feel better. I think I will shut it down and call it a night and begin the rat-race again tomorrow.

I miss you Mikey!

C'ya!

2 comments:

Connie said...

Life can be the pits.
Pray about it.
Grab the brass ring so that you never have to say "Woulda, coulda, shoulda!"
Luvnhugs

Nicky said...

You poor girl! It is just amazing how quickly we seem to run out of time each day, week, month... Before I know it, I've postponed enjoyable things for a few months before I have time to consider trying to do them again. I feel your pain. If you discover the secret to more pleasure than work, PLEASE let me know!!!!!!!